the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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