And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
