I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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