Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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