Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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