take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
