Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
