I wish my penis had an off switch
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
