dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
