He uses pillows to masturbate.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You are a genius and a whore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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