He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
