I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
