ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
