Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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