Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
