My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
