I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love having hate sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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