Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
