how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
