I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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