I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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