Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
