I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
