if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
