You're so nebulous sometimes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
false alarm. still invincible.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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