this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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