i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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