Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
