you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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