...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
