Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
