by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
