Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk is not a location!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
