so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
