Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
