hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
