I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Another day, another engagement, another cat
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
