Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
