So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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