She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
