3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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