I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
