the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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