you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
