we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
