Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
