If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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