you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
