Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
