This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
