The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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